I used to only have two ways of being: full speed ahead or full-stop. There wasn’t much of a middle road. Now I am very interested in the middle way and I use my self-talk to guide myself there.
My whole life I would slow down only if I got sick, or completely emotionally disturbed like after a painful breakup. I would stop my frenetic pace. I would give myself permission to rest, to care for myself, to heal, even to cancel on commitments – some of which I didn’t want to do in the first place. I let myself off the hook. I also provided myself with healthy foods and lots of rest.
Then I’d get better and start my frenetic pace once more, my race to achieve and make things happen. I ate on the run. I didn’t let myself sleep enough. I underwent way too much stimulation. I overworked. I let myself be drained by people or situations that didn’t feel right for me.
I realize too that I’ve done this since I was really little. When I would need extra care or gentleness, I got sick.
Now I am very interested in the middle road. Being in the center is a new practice for me. It’s so new that it is often hard for me to recognize where the center even is.
I want to spend more time being mindful about my decisions and what I really want in my life, instead of running towards a direction. I have just so much energy, resources and time. I want to use them wisely in service of my right life. I want to pay way much more attention to myself and what I need.
- Be mindful. Pay attention. You only have a certain amount of time, energy and resources. Where do you want to spend them?
- I give myself full permission to care for myself everyday.
- I have time to sit with my decisions, to feel what feels right for me.
- What is it that you really want to feel in your life as opposed to achieve?
- What is the middle road for me? What does it look like?