No matter how you speak to yourself -- it's not your fault

No matter how negative, critical or even downright abusive your inner voice may be, you can be sure of one thing, it’s not your fault that it sounds like that. 

We all have a basic inner voice that pipes up when we are not concentrating on something that takes all our attention. That voice is called the default mode network (DMN). Each person has their own custom DMN, and that voice can range from very cruel, all the way to a comforting, loving inner friend. You basically default back to that same voice all the time. 

For some people, the DMN is so savage that it is unbearable to spend even a few moments without reaching for a distraction to drown it out. We all have our favourite distractions. I had a long list of them that ranged from working long hours, to drinking too much wine. 

The thing is, once the distraction was gone, my negative self talk was there waiting for me. There was nothing that I could achieve in the outer world, there was no distraction big enough, to change the setting and tone of this inner voice. 

I had to go inside to make that change.

There are many different reasons why your own DMN sounds the way it does — none of which are your fault. It’s the way your brain is wired for now. 

And the wonderful news is that brains can be changed. Neuroplasticity is the ability of your brain to change. If you want to change your inner voice, it is possible. It is in your control to transform your self-talk. 

The nature of your DMN has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good person, how accomplished or educated you are, or the contributions you make to this world.

You can be Julia Roberts — with full on looks, an academy award, a family, fame and fortune — and still have a savage DMN. 

I think Julia Roberts is pretty awesome and I hope she has a gentle and kind DMN — which is something I hope for you too. And if you don’t have one today, it doesn’t mean you won’t have one very soon if that’s what you choose for yourself. Self Talk Love is a path you can walk — one that leads to more wellbeing, self-warmth, health, and joy with every kind inner word.

Thank you for reading! 
Be well!