A few days ago, I broke down crying after a voice that I have inside told me I was a piece of shit. I know. Ouch.
This came about after I had not spent much time alone with myself lately. I had been very busy for weeks and did not do my meditation and spiritual practices that keep me peaceful and grounded. I felt frazzled, fragile and disconnected going into the day.
Then I criticized my husband over something trivial and he got understandably angry. That’s when the cruel voice inside let me have it.
I listened as the inner bully told me I was bad. I was unworthy. I was mean to my husband. My house was a mess. It said I was unworthy of love, that I didn’t deserve my life, that I couldn’t do anything right. And over and over again it said that I was a piece of shit.
I was shocked by the viciousness of the attack. It had been a long time since I had spoken to myself with such venom. I started crying.
I listened in shock but also in agreement. It was true what the voice was saying.
Then I caught myself.
And just like I would rise up to the defense of someone I love, I rose up to protect myself. I told the voice to stop.
Then I took some distance from it. I told myself that I am not the voice who says I am a piece of shit. It may be a voice that I have inside me, but it is not me. I am the one who listens to this voice.
So I choose at that moment to stop listening to it. I choose to stop listening to the ugly words, and to speak words of compassion and love to myself instead.
I did an Inner Voice Switcheroo.
I replaced what it had been saying with words of compassion. I spoke to myself in a different voice – one that felt tenderness and kindness towards a woman who is suffering and who has just listened so such ugly words thrown at her.