Oh boy, did I ever have trouble with the ending of relationships in all their forms. I hung on way longer than was healthy or needed. And it usually involved a ton of self-blaming. Now with my self-talk, I’m trying a new approach.
I’m learning now that allowing a relationship to come to an end can be in fact honour yourself, the other person, and the relationship itself. It doesn’t negate all that was beautiful in a relationship just because it comes to an end. In fact, this ending may be a good thing. Many times that’s been the case in hindsight.
I am learning to practice honourable endings — as Gail Larsen taught me. I try to take the time to acknowledge what someone meant to me, to thank them for the time that we did spend together. It’s not always possible to tell them in person, but I can tell them in my heart. And I can tell myself.
I get to decide what that relationship meant to me as I release it, instead of hanging on to it with both fists clenched in sadness, in anger, in resentment, or in regret.
Sometimes ,releasing the relationship involves forgiveness to become fully free of it. I listened to Alanis Morissette’s song “Thank U” yesterday. She sings:
“How 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you”
We don’t talk about how good forgiveness of others and of ourselves feels. We don’t talk about how releasing can feel like a relief. Turning towards where the new love is coming from feels good too. Like a flower that turns towards the sun of another day.
What new and nurturing relationships will bloom now that I am making space?
My friend Lori-Ann has composed a beautiful classical piano composition called The Arrival of Love. I’m up for that. I’d rather be up for the arrival of love than staying stuck in love’s departure. I’m up for what new love and what new relationships life blows my way.
It’s not easy letting go of relationships, but it sure is worth the effort.
Who is it time to let go of while honouring them and myself?
What relationship has come to its natural end?
I can bless the relationship.
I can forgive them and myself.
I can release this relationship. I can let it be.
It was meaningful and I love that person, but now it has come to its natural end in this form. That’s the way life is.
Thanks for reading!
Photo by Ran Fuchs.