Tell yourself that you are lucky and you likely will be

You never know when a gift will fall from the sky, or what unexpected help will come your way. If you tell yourself that it is possible – you increase the chances that it will indeed be possible. If you tell yourself that you are lucky, you increase the likelihood that you are a lucky person.

This morning I was a witness to an amazing stroke of good fortune at a pot luck. A woman brought food in a colourful Bavarian bowl that another woman in attendance had lost five years ago. When the woman saw her long lost bowl she started crying. It was an antique she had inherited from her beloved grandmother. Its disappearance had plagued her for years.

After being lost, the bowl had made its way to the Salvation Army where it was purchased by a third party, then given as a gift to the woman who brought it to the pot luck.

Studies show that those who tell themselves they are lucky, have better luck than those whose interior dialogue tells them they are unlucky. They also show that those who say that things will work out positively, tend to experience more favourable outcomes. That’s how powerful your inner speech can be.

You just don’t know what blessings the day will bring. You don't know what solution will present itself. Use your self-talk to keep focused on where you want to go. Tell yourself you are lucky and that things work out for you.

Self-talk for the dark days of a miscarriage

Miscarriages can be traumatic on so many levels: the grief, the shame, the fear, the physical and emotional pain, the feeling of being alone as misguided people tell you it is common and no big deal.

It is possible to use your self-talk to help get yourself through it, to be there for yourself, and hold your own hand.

The amount of emotional pain you feel with a miscarriage depends on the meaning you gave to the pregnancy and to its loss. That means that miscarriage is much harder on some women than on others.

It was super hard on me, and I didn’t know how to help myself through it. I didn’t know how to sit by my own sick bed and hold my hand. I just wanted to get on with things as quickly as possible. I thought that if I felt my feelings it would just make me sadder. I was so wrong and as a consequence I carried the grief and pain with me for years.

If I could go back in time, I would give myself all the time and space I needed to grieve and heal. I would shower myself with compassion. I would be gentle and kind to myself and to my body because what we are going through is traumatic. I would use my self-talk to get myself through that dark time.

This is what I wish I had said to myself:
• I love you. I love you. I love you.
• I am here for you and I will care for you.
• I can see that you are in so much pain. This is not your fault in any way.
• You can take all the time that you need to grieve.
• This is important. Normal life must wait.
• I know how much you love this baby and what this pregnancy meant to you.
• I will take care of everything. You can take the time to rest.
• Feeling my grief and other feelings of loss will help me heal.
• I will not pretend that everything is ok. I will honour myself through this.
• It does not matter what others say. They don’t understand what this means for you.
• This will pass. I promise you my love, this will pass.
• You are not alone. Many other women have lost their babies and feel the same way you do.
• If you need help, I will get it for you.
• There is no shame at all in grieving for someone you love. It is normal.
• Be gentle with yourself and with your body. You are going through a lot.
• Everything is going to be all right, one way or the other.
• I love you. I love you. I love you.

My self-talk to go back to basics

I was feeling really off yesterday. My head hurt, I felt impatient, tired, and worried about all kind of things.

I have been quite busy lately: the book launch, outings, house guests, a retreat, the illness of two family members.

I didn’t take the time that I truly need to connect with myself with my self-talk and with the practices that make me feel centered, that make me feel like myself. I couldn’t hear my own deep wise voice anymore. The one that is fearful and worried had taken over again.

I missed myself. So this morning I went back to basics. I sat under a tree and meditated. I took a slow walk.

I spoke to myself this way:

You are safe.

Everything is ok.

You are loved.

I will take care of you and give you what you need to feel calm.

Go back to your basic practices like walking, meditation, dancing. They will bring you back to yourself.

Very soon you will feel rested and calm again.

The puppy and me: Gently reminding yourself of what you need and who you are

Imagine the cutest, fluffiest, sweetest little white puppy. That’s the one we were lucky enough to add to our family recently.

The other evening, this cute little guy bit my daughter right under the nose hard enough to hurt her. I forgot all my dog training knowledge, and scolded him.

It was late in the day. He was overtired and over stimulated running around the backyard with two excited children.

It wasn’t his fault at all.

Guess what happened when I got angry with him? He just got more stimulated and worked up.

What he needed was help calming down. What he needed was kindness and gentleness. What he needed was a patient confident voice to guide him back to his centre, to himself, to remind him of how to be.

I am a lot like this puppy, and so are many people that I know.

My friend contacted me recently. She felt like she might have an anxiety attack. Life has thrown many curve balls at her recently, and on top of that, she is in the middle of a move. As many of us know, it can feel really overwhelming to be packing your life away in boxes.

I gently reminded her that she would greatly benefit from calming her nerves. (put away your phone, have a hot shower, meditate, drink lots of water, rest.) I reminded to her to gently come back to herself.

Like the puppy, we need gentleness when we are off. We also need an inner voice that is patient and confident to guide us back to the centre -- that provides us with what we need at that moment.

My self-talk:
I am going to help you calm down.
I am going to give you the time and space that you need to feel more relaxed.
Everything is ok. You are safe.

Transform your self-talk: Get a free book now

If I was able to change my self-talk, so can you. My new book can show you a way to do it. Today is the launch of my new book Speaking to Yourself with Love: Transform Your Self-Talk. Hooray!

Want to see what it would be like to stop criticizing yourself so much? I talk about it in my book. You can get a free copy for the next five days. Click HERE to download your free copy.

This e-book version works on Kindles, all tablets, i-phones, i-pad (with a free app)

I am so delighted to share my work will all those who are ready to choose a new way to speak to themselves. Want to know how changing my self-talk changed my life? Read below.

Wishing you good reading and loads of happiness,


How changing my self-talk changed my life.

“For the longest time, how I spoke to others was so much kinder and patient than the way I spoke to myself. I blamed myself for every mistake and criticized myself for my faults. I put myself down constantly. You can even say I bullied myself. I felt unworthy. I felt anxious a lot of the time from this emotional self-abuse. I drowned out my inner voices with constant noise and distractions. If there were kind and loving voices inside I couldn’t even hear them. Nothing I had ever achieved on the outside changed how I felt inside. All that changed when I learned positive and loving self-talk skills. I developed inner voices that spoke to me with kindness and acceptance, and protected me from the bully inside. I started hearing the voice inside that is wise, and always loving. Now I feel much more calm, and joyful. I am forgiving of my mistakes and faults. And I give myself some of the love, friendship and support I had only given to others before. I am now on my own side too. Speaking to myself with love transformed my life. Now I can help you learn these self-talk skills too.”

Make your self-talk lighter, brighter, funnier

May 19 seems like the perfect day for the launch of my new book Speaking to Yourself with Love: Transform Your Self-Talk. It’s the beginning of a long weekend, when true spring hits, and all is renewed. There are blooms, there’s more light, and tons of hope for an easier time everywhere. This is a good time of year to lighten things up.

That’s my intention with my new book: to bring hope, light and lightness to everyone who feels ready for a new beginning. Here is a story and a self-talk tool from my book that I’d like to share with you about making your inner speech lighter:

One day, my friend had a headache and went into a supermarket to buy water with which to take aspirin. She slipped on the wet floor and fell, smashing her head badly enough that they had to call an ambulance. Nothing funny there, you think? Well, when she told me the story, we both burst out laughing when we realized that if she had a headache going into the store, it was nothing compared to the headache she had going out. We saw a very funny twist in it.

Is there a story you are telling yourself about something in your life that could use a little lightening up? Let’s see if you can bring levity to it with your self-talk.

Pick a situation you are dealing with in your life that you don’t find especially funny.

Write it down.

Now see how you can lighten it up.

Is there anything about it that can be comical? Amusing? Ironic? Even strange?

What can you say that will bring a little levity to the way you talk to yourself about it? Maybe there is something funny about the way you handled it, or the drama you are bringing to the situation, or how worked up you are about it.

Rewrite your story with its new comical twist.

Self-talk to courageously bloom into the person you can be

This time of year is such a delight. The days get longer and there is more light. The flowers are blooming. It feels like a new beginning, like new things are possible in life.

I can use my self-talk to help myself transform, to move towards this light, to bloom.

Here’s a story about my friend Martine who used her self-talk to have the courage to bloom. In her case, blooming meant having the guts to hit the open road on a Harley. It’s an excerpt from my book Speaking to Yourself with Love: Transform Your Self-Talk. (This new book of mine comes out on May 19!)

Martine’s story:
Martine Rollin is one courageous woman. Even when the world has seemed very scary, she has put on her big girl pants. After all kinds of major life challenges, she has gone onward and upward.
For many years, Martine kept an entire Harley Davidson wardrobe in her closet: boots, gloves, helmet, and leather jacket—even special sunglasses. They were the remnants of a long-gone relationship with a man who had a motorcycle. The two had taken long trips together, her riding behind him on the same motorcycle.
One day, she visited us from across the country, lugging all her gear as she was continuing on later to go on a bike trip with a friend. I was so surprised to see her collection. “I have always kept it,” she said. “I love being on motorcycles so much. It makes me so happy. I hope the day comes that I meet someone with a motorcycle again.”
“Why not get your own bike?” my husband piped up.
“Suddenly, it was like a light bulb went on in my head!” says Martine. “Why not, indeed!”
Still, there was a lot of fear to overcome. Fear of doing something new. Fear of the financial impact of owning a motorcycle. Fear of hitting the open road alone.
“I said to myself: be brave. This was so important to me. It was like bright sunshine that called my name,” says Martine.
I am happy to report that if you see a beautiful, tiny, blonde woman riding an enormous Harley Davidson at full speed while smiling from ear to ear—you may be looking at Martine. Her next courageous challenge? She wants to fly Cessna planes.